There is no manual

No doubt about it, this is the most difficult job I've ever had.

The lack of a manual doesn't help. Sure, there is the accumulated knowledge of those who used to serve in the same role, but not all of that knowledge is good or useful. After all, these are the folks who "used to serve." It's hard to know who's mistake was truly a mistake, who's success was earned or accidential, what's still good, and what's outlived its usefulness.

For my part, I've my own naivete to deal with. There's an old saying, "It takes a thief to know one." The premise behind this saying is that we all look at the world through rose-colored glasses - that is, we see the world from our perspective.

I'd always assumed that people would work hard and do the right thing - it's the way I've lived my life. Indeed, as selectman, I have the option to join the state's retirement system and get health insurance through the town. I didn't, even when I lost my own job last year. I even donate my $3,000 stipend. As I see it, if I were to take anything, it would compromise the very principles that drove me to run for office in the first place.

It never occurred to me that some people in public service are either not serving the best interests of the public, or are serving themselves outright. Yes, I've run across this. Coming to grips with this truth has kept me awake at night.

The hardest thing to fathom is the picture some people paint about you. Don't misunderstand me, I know that perceptions can overwhelm reality. What bothers me are those who aren't willing to hear my side of the story, or who willingly repeat myths. For example, I've previously written about the conservation commission meetings I missed, yet there are those who, from time to time, still raise the issue, painting me as some kind of slacker.

Recently, several newspaper articles suggested that on my first day as a selectman I told our town manager that he should find work elsewhere. Again, this is false. Unfortunately, it not only has legs, but some folks take the papers as gospel and won't even give me the opportunity to explain. It's frustrating, probably because I've always given others the chance to set the record straight with me.

This is not to say that I've not made mistakes. On the contrary, I've made my fair share of mistakes, and I've taken a well-deserved few knocks for them. However, I've always tried to do the right thing. Although I've lost some sleep over the reality of human nature, I can still look myself in the mirror every morning.